Your mouth is God's brothel.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
