i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
