THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
