Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
