More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
