don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I wish i was in the wii world.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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