shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
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we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
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I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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