she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
