I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize