I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The uberlube is also flammable
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
