So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
