in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Just invented taco cereal.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
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As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize