glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
