Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
