I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
