I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
