you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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