im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
