i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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