Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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