Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
