Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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