I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
