I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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