Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize