Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
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I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
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YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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