im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
