I heard we made out
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
