Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
