you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I enjoy the company of your penis
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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