I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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