I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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