is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
