have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
