I hate all girls vehemently.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
