My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
