I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
