I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You dont lie about slip and slides
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
