Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
