I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize