I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
