i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
They have beer where we have blood.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
