I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Randomize
