he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
