My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
