I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
