Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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