What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
