Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize