My underwear smells like fireworks.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
