Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
