I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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