Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
