Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize