We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
