If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize