I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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