He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
