Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I need a burrito and a hug.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
