nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
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i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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