I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Pants are for mortals
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
