tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
