Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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