I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
