My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
