Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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