grandma shit on top of the toilet
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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