Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
