Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
